Sometimes my heart is so full, it’s hard to express. Sometimes it’s so full I can’t get the words off my chest. It’s been so long since I’ve written I don’t think anyone is listening. Pushing forward in the New Year letting go of past hurts and facing my fears. Blessings come when expected. Ready for the day when I’ll be selected. The wait is long and times are hard but I stand around and catch me off gaurd.
Blessings to all.
Loving someone usually will cause you to make sacrifices and to endure things that you probably wouldn’t otherwise, there’s a point when the love you have for them is too expensive. When it drains the good from you, when its not reciprocated, when it takes everything and leaves you empty, when it requires of you what they would NEVER do for you in return its too expensive! Love yourself enough to know that better is out there! So how do you recover and regain yourself?
STEP 1: Let Go!
This doesn’t have to be a romantic love, often times this type of manipulating love comes from those closest to us (family). When it’s too expensive let go!
Letting go seems harsh or extreme but its just what you need to start rebuilding the broken pieces within you.
Step 2: Get Back To You
Take time to embrace things you enjoy again. You can do them alone or with friends either way get back to happy! Seek out things that make you happy and do them as much as possible this allows you to reflect on the things your relationship lacked by helping you to realize that you’re happiness matters too!
Step 3 Avoid the Urge to Find A Replacement
So often people fall into the trap of the “rebound”, because of lonliness and their need to have someone/something fill the void. Don’t allow yourself to fall victim to those urges. They will jurt your healing process by prolonging it even more, after you’ve found a “surrogate” and things don’t workout. Stay single! Even if the person you’re letting go of is a friend or family member stay single because hurting peopke hurt otg5er people and you dont want to drag others into your drama.
Step 4 Allow your healing to take as long as you Need it too
Don’t fall into the trap of listening to others when it comes to your healing. No one truly knows how long it can take to heal from a devastating endevour. But when its over you’ll know it! There will be an extra spring in your step a new perspective on life and love and your eyes will be able to embrace the “sun” again. So often people rush the healing process only to find themselves hurt even worse than before because now the hurts are piling up one on top of the other! Take your time you have your whole life to live!
Today I decided to quit…
I quit allowing you to make me feel like shit
Today I quit
I quit feeling, loving, and caring for you
Today I quit
Not realizing my worth and waiting on you to realize it for me
Today I quit
Missing out on things I enjoy
Today I quit believing and trusting in you to be true
Today I quit
One day I cried and the heavens opened up…I mourned for you and for me and for us. I mourned the death of our hopes and our dreams…
One day I cried for us….
I mourned for the days together we would never get to see. I mourned for the touch that would never touch me…
One day I cried and the tears flowed heavily… I mourned for the US that could never be, because you were you and I was me…I mourned for the laughter we shared in the middle of the night…and for the sights I saw…the ones I didn’t like…
One day I cried and somehow knew that our lamp had gone out and I mourned for you and the both of us two!
For so long it took me a minute to acknowledge your existence, but you lived.
For so long it took me time to admit that you were once there , but now gone.
For so long it took me a minute to cry, but now I mourn at the thoughts of you
For so long it took me a minute to feel the pain, but now I feel it every second of everyday
For so long it took me a minute to enjoy each breath, but now I’m glad that you lived for a moment, and your living helped me to live better.
To live feeling, to live breathing, to live in the moment, because now I realize how hard it was to get here to live. So you’re unknown and gone but never forgotten.
This is just the beginning! For as long as I can remember I have dreamed of accomplishing many things and producing literary works has been one of them. My mantra this year is “dream big, believe big, and put in work.”
As I grew as a child life and the inner most parts of my being told me I wanted more. My upbringing was rough as I was nurtured by a family that was heavily enthralled in the drug trafficing trade. But upon examination of the life I was reared in I realized that there was a decision to be made. And I made it. At 8 years old I decided I wanted more and the way to accomplish it was through a new means, that was Christ.
All along God had purposed for me to be different even within my environment. And to initiate the process he placed an unlikely source right next door. My neighbor Mrs. Allen, was a saintly woman. Everyday after school I would race to her house for a snack and a life lesson.
Mrs. Allen introduced me to Christ as a savior and as a source. In those 60 minutes after school each day Mrs. Allen imparted in me the greatest lessons of all.
1. Jesus is lord. He rules the land we inhabit. He is our source. He is our friend and through prayer we can speak to him and expect things to happen.
2. Prayer. The purpose of prayer is open communication with god. Everyday Mrs. Allen would enter into prayer with me and as we knelt down she would say “listen with your heart.” This taught me that the communication went both ways.
3. The power of agreement. Unbeknownst to me at the time Mrs. Allen was enacting a biblical principle with me. Asking of anything in agreement with another shall be done. Also the bible speaks of the pressence of god where “two” are gathered.
4. The power of praise. In all of our meetings we began and ended with a song of worship. This ignites god’s pressence and is an act of submission. Mrs. Allen would tell me that there was always a reason to be thankful whether it was the sunshine outside the window, the foid we ate, or simply being alive. Praise him for everything.
5. Dream big! Every afternoon Mrs. Allen would ask what my dreams were. Through this she wanted me to realize that in everyday there should be a purpose, something that drives you and with that trust god with them. In our talks we discussed school, my going to college one day, and the work of letting god lead my life. “Dream big” she would say “god can do great things!”
In my memories of my neighbor I can’t help but thank god for placing her in my life. The lessons were immeasurable. Dream big all you dreamers, and don’t be afraid to put the work in.