Loving someone usually will cause you to make sacrifices and to endure things that you probably wouldn’t otherwise, there’s a point when the love you have for them is too expensive. When it drains the good from you, when its not reciprocated, when it takes everything and leaves you empty, when it requires of you what they would NEVER do for you in return its too expensive! Love yourself enough to know that better is out there! So how do you recover and regain yourself?
STEP 1: Let Go!
This doesn’t have to be a romantic love, often times this type of manipulating love comes from those closest to us (family). When it’s too expensive let go!
Letting go seems harsh or extreme but its just what you need to start rebuilding the broken pieces within you.
Step 2: Get Back To You
Take time to embrace things you enjoy again. You can do them alone or with friends either way get back to happy! Seek out things that make you happy and do them as much as possible this allows you to reflect on the things your relationship lacked by helping you to realize that you’re happiness matters too!
Step 3 Avoid the Urge to Find A Replacement
So often people fall into the trap of the “rebound”, because of lonliness and their need to have someone/something fill the void. Don’t allow yourself to fall victim to those urges. They will jurt your healing process by prolonging it even more, after you’ve found a “surrogate” and things don’t workout. Stay single! Even if the person you’re letting go of is a friend or family member stay single because hurting peopke hurt otg5er people and you dont want to drag others into your drama.
Step 4 Allow your healing to take as long as you Need it too
Don’t fall into the trap of listening to others when it comes to your healing. No one truly knows how long it can take to heal from a devastating endevour. But when its over you’ll know it! There will be an extra spring in your step a new perspective on life and love and your eyes will be able to embrace the “sun” again. So often people rush the healing process only to find themselves hurt even worse than before because now the hurts are piling up one on top of the other! Take your time you have your whole life to live!
At some point I lost hope;thinking of what could’ve been then I realized that what couldv1e been shouldn’t have been and I was alright.
Often times we over think; by not living enough…I’m realizing more and more just how short our time here is and just how important it is to live our dreams.
There is no better tine than the present.
Hold on to God which is in you, and go!
There a times when I am silent and I know you’re there
There are times when I am silent and I know you can hear
There are times when words escape me and I know you can see
That in those times my heart longs for you
And deep I know you will see me through
There are things I can’t be sad or mad about because I allowed them to happen but can learn from them and allow the emotion to fuel my goals, hopes, and dreams! The new year for me is not always about renewal but about beginning again. I used to think about being and becoming something new, and like most people the new me never arrived, because the old me was and is who I am. I’ve learned since then not to try to be “new” but to try to be better.
To live better, to love better, and to go after my goals with more tenacity than ever. Am I waiting on “Boaz” to find me, anymore? The answer is no, I’m living so we can stumble upon each other. Have I lost sight of what’s important? No, I see it clearly now more than ever. What’s important varies from person to person and what’s most important is what matters to you.
2016 has motivated me to do better, to seek better, and to understand the why’s behind my decisions. I’ve realized that at this stage and age in my life it’s not the time for me to melt or morph my dreams into someone else’s. My dreams are far too big to dulled, dumbed, or meshed into a collage of nothingness, while helping to guide and to build someone else’s dream career.
In the next year and the years that follow I plan to selfishly pursue that which suits me. The things I want and the goals I have set for myself. Why? Because that’s what everyone else has done to me, never regarding my dreams or goals but always asking for my assistance for theirs. 2017 is going to remarkable, start taking notes now! 😉
Recently having moved to a new place, the time appears to be flying by. For years I’ve prayed to be in my current location, for improved opportunity. And at the appropriate time, God granted it to me.
The timing of his plans are always “perfect”. My mind is much more settled and I have a greater sense of who I am as a person, however; I must admit the lure of the “city” has entranced me. So how do you find balance in an unbalanced environment? For me the key is staying grounded, but untattered.
Through out childhood due to circumstances that are all to familiar to children in today’s society my parents and I often communicated through a series of hand written letters. At the time I thought they were the worse form of communication for parents and children as I longed for the “normal” family/upbringing. But little did I know I was getting God’s best through my parents’ best.
In these letters my parents communicated with me with more depth and honesty than traditional “in house” parents do at any given time. The letters detailed life lessons, tips, and prayers for my future, most of the things that are often unspoken in regular everyday households.
That’s why I say God gave me his best! Growing up I read the letters with some regard noting what was said as they applied to my life at the moment and put them away. At the time I didn’t realize the value of what was taking place, although I knew without a doubt that I was loved, my parents were proud, and they always noted the goodness of God in each.
As I’ve grown up and now gotten into my thirties I can now appreciate what had taken place. In the hundreds of letters my parents were devulging the secrets to life that they had learned along their journeys without hesitation, without censorship, and without reserve. They were parenting me through distance for my future. The true value of what took place was the ability for me to look back on the life lessons etched out on paper with my now adult eyes and perspective.
These letters, notes, and cards are priceless and full of things that I often I apply now. Many of their words echoe daily in my mind. Things like “don’t take the long way around”, my mother wrote in one letter, advising me to be clear and never put things off because of my youth. Or, “life is just like this chessboard, ” my father said to me as he taught me the game and reinforced in a letter.
My life at that point had been uncharted, and hadn’t even began to take shape but they knew it would one day and God allowed the circumstances to be used for my good overall. Now in my new place, new city, at the crust on a new chapter in my life I’m thankful that although from my vantage point things appear “uncharted”, they have already
been chiseled out by the almighty!
Candid Moment: As children of God its our job to do things that would please him. During service today a key point was brought up amongst the many ways we can please God…how we treat our family…the people God selected for us to be placed with…as it was explained in life we are given authority to decide nearly every detail of our lives (friends, associates, career, etc. in many respects) but family the one we’re placed in is HIS choice.
Often in my life I have questioned this, “family” and thought as many do “why”. In today’s society not many people put an emphasis on family, instead we tend to gravitate more towards things and people that are most like us (in our comfort zone) because often times “family” challenges us, to give more than we want to give or to feel more than we want to feel. To some they place no emphasis on the blood tie relationships between people and gravitate towards bonds that until they are tested often rely on conditions unstated in an invisible contract, that once broken dissolves the bond.
I’ve always found it peculiar as to how some people can build a life based on so little. Often times people will make friendships trying to mimic the feelings of family, and often in the process push those away who love them unconditionally.
But the fact remains that when things are all said and done when you’re at your lowest God has provided a built in safety net. Now granted some families are not what they should be, but when pushed and tried ;they your blood will come through for you.
The family relationship is one that is heavily emphasized throughout the bible, as it refers to God and Jesus as father and son. This bond is unbreakable so much in fact that in order to have one you must also have a relationship with the other.
Family ties are sacred and often scarred by unforgiveness and resentment over time. These factors of division keep many from reaching their full potential. As people we could stand to go back to the times when the word family stood for something. In bible times the family unit carried itself as a church in the sense that people understood that in unity (where two or three were gathered) was where god dwelled and blessings flowed.
Unity amongst kin is where we need to get back to because in division and discourse the devil can freely devour!
It’s been three years since I experienced what I consider a “true God encounter.” I had always heard people use this term to describe the moment when their lives changed forever and they experienced a “great awakening.” But I never thought it would happen to me.
Although I had been a “Christian” my whole life, the thought of a “god” encounter seemed far fetched. I thought that those experiences were for those who were considered to be “lost,” those that hadn’t grown up in church, hadn’t been baptised by the ripe old age of 5 , and that lived drug-fueled lives that were out of control. I was wrong.
I had been the girl that had done “everything” right and had beat the odds. I had been raised by my grandparents, graduated from highschool with top honors, and was one of the first in the family to go on to finish college. I was a success! At least in my mind.
As I went on in my career I faced many challenges daily and the level of stress was astronomical. I was challenged on all fronts by coworkers, the public, and those that I was assigned to each year. And naturally I found myself looking for relief. I prayed. And I become bitter.
The bitterness came from something that was hidden deep within my heart from various experiences and the lack of recognition from my job. The whole time I attended church. I was the “typical” Christian who felt that I could “do me” , do what was half right by god, pray, and expect things to workout. And I was extremely wrong.
As time passed the pressure from job began to explode within in me and started to manifest in my attitude, my thoughts, and even into my physical body. The seeds of bitterness had began to poison me and was mounting to kill me, through intense chest pains.
I can remember having deep pains shooting throughout my body radiating from my chest outward. These pains would stop me in my tracks and were coupled with shortness of breath. I spent countless days in and out of hospital rooms hooked to machines and in tears. Along with that I felt like I had no one. My family was hours away and most of my “friends” deserted me during this time. But God.
In my moments of pain and my upbringing I knew to call on the name of Jesus. Many days and nights I would lay in tears praying for the pain to stop and for things to change. This was my “rock bottom” moment. All my adult life I had prided myself on being able to handle things. I could endure the racism on my job, the rowdy public, and anything else. I was an over comer, until had was faced with something “I” couldn’t over come. My body was giving out on me and I felt like my world was collapsing. But god!
One evening after going to the doctor I sat down on the couch sobbing. And that sobbing turned to prayer. In that moment there was a glow I saw and then I heard a voice within it. By this time I was kneeling on the floor and the voice said “everything will be alright, you’re not going to die, and from now on your life will never be the same.” In those moments tears were streaming down my face, but I felt comforted and confident.
I then realized that the whole time and mostly all of my life I had depended on me. I had always prayed but deep down I believed that god was distant and if things were to get done I would have to do them. Until, I was faced with something I couldn’t fix. After that day I made the decision to trust God. I wanted that feeling of security to never leave so I went after god.
I began to read more of the bible that I had often just had as a night stand piece and I started to pray more and with more fervor. My faith was developing into something real. As I went to more doctors appointments and more tests were ran doctors became more and more perplexed. Nothing wrong could be found!
This experience completely changed my life! In the moments when death seemed to be around the corner I had developed an intense love and thirst for life! Instead of focusing on the pain I began to focus on the moments I had “left”. I found myself laughing and smiling more, and intentionally choosing to be happy instead of focusing in on what was wrong with me, my life, my job, or others. I made peace with those that had wrong me, most of that I realized rested within my own thoughts as I had rehearsed the hurt. I let go!
From that time to this, I can say I truly enjoy my life. You can too!